Christ, I’ve been neglecting this poor blog!! I’ve been a bad, bad webmaster. Really, it comes down to me being sad, then trying to drown the sadness with work, as if burying myself in projects might make it go away. You can imagine what that does to a person -_- Maybe you do the same thing? Let me know if I’m not alone.

I keep thinking about doing a site remodel, but honestly I still like the newspaper look. Don’t you? More people have been finding their way here lately, which of course makes me want to whip the site into shape. But that also gives me performance anxiety… For now, it’ll stay a humble publication.

Truthfully, things have been bleak. The summer-to-fall transition has never been kind to me — something in the air, maybe smoke from the brush fires (sorry, bad joke). But when I step back, I realize: it’s not that serious. Did I die? No. And in the past two months, I’ve actually done some very cool things. Writing them down feels like a little gratitude exercise, so here goes:

I went to Oakland for a zine fest. I’ve mailed zines to a bunch of cool places, but this was my first time actually meeting people face to face. Oaklanders are interesting. Not in a mean way, just objectively true. The reception was amazing, though. People loved my table setup – took photos of it, even told me I was cute. It was a very gay affair, so maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised, but I was. Zines are fulfilling for me in a way nothing else quite is. I’m sure you’ve gathered that.

Also: my monthly letter club just had its first birthday. That one got me emotional, because commitment is hard for me. But those letters kept me going. If you know me, you know my obsession with written correspondence. It makes me feel things, and lately I’ve needed that. Just yesterday, I got something in the mail from a friend — words I really needed to hear.

And my friends? Ceaselessly awesome. I don’t need to explain why friendship matters but know that I treasure mine. I super suck at saying it directly but I show it in gestures. Lunch dates, voice memos across time zones, shots of random booze at the bar, collaborative playlists, dancing, lazing in the sun. These little rituals mean everything. Reminds me of back when my mom and I were rebuilding our relationship, she made me take that “love languages” quiz. No surprise that my top one was quality time. Still true.

Back to zines (sorry, I can always find a way to yap about them!), I just put out a prose zine, and it feels special. Tender. I’ve always been more of a prosaist than a poet, and it had been too long since I wrote something that felt good. Talking with a friend yesterday, I realized why this one means so much: it says a lot about me, even if it’s not about me directly.

My favorite piece in it is about reuniting with a househusband, and all the things the two of you would do once together again (quality time again, lol). Of course, I know nothing about actually having a househusband whose hands I’d lick — at least not right now. But writing those lines still says a lot about me. Exactly what? Well, I’ll never kiss and tell…feel free to interpret it however you want.

Anyway, this is getting long. TL;DR: life isn’t so horrific. I’ve had a mean streak of weeks from hell, but remembering the good stuff makes it lighter. Writing this helped.

Currently listening to: “Good Thing” - Reel Big Fish